….it fucking pours.
Last week was my last few days of work. My last day was June 3rd (Tuesday). Austin took off a half day to help me move the rest of my stuff out of the office. Wednesday (June 4th), Hazel had PT through SoonerStart. As soon as the therapist left, I checked my phone and Austin said he was heading home. I immediately called him. Turns out, it was the end of his probationary period at his job and they decided to eliminate his position. We were finally getting back to normal from when he was laid off in September. I felt awful. I felt responsible. But that’s for another time. Luckily, I had therapy scheduled for later that day.
I don’t want to (and emotionally cannot) give the whole scenario & whatnot, so long story short…one of our dogs was killed by our neighbor dogs. She was 3 weeks away from her 17th birthday. She was barely 10 pounds. Yes, it was close to her time, but she wasn’t supposed to go out like that. If you don’t know this about us, our pups are our babies. Finding out, I was wailing for a very long time. I had a panic attack. It was bad. I woke up the next day with swollen eyes and petechial hemorrhaging around my eyes (or something similar) and a killer headache. I’m finally able to think/talk about it I think.
All of that, and today is Austin’s birthday. Fuck me. I’ve been so depressed and trying to dissociate since last Wednesday that I have barely planned anything. So I feel terrible.
Sooooo….IVF is still our plan, but life is life-ing and it is going to look a bit different than we expected. So, please…keep us in your prayers, positive thoughts, crystals, sage burning, or whatever you believe in. We definitely need it.
Ryan’s Ramblings 