Update–9 Weeks

Yet again, I suck at blogging. lol! My last update was waiting on my HCG results to ensure I was not pregnant. Since then, we did a third FET cycle, which started with the baseline appointment on May 11th. Because we were doing an IVF cycle, of course other aspects of my life were required to blow up… Jokes aside, May was rough for me. I won’t get into it on here though. Our transfer was on June 2nd. There were a few things that were different this time–I didn’t go to work before, the transfer was at 11am instead of 3:30pm, I prepped by drinking POM juice and the implantation smoothie from our fresh cycle a few days before and after. The 2nd was my last day of work, so the entire two week wait, I was relaxed and rested.

This time, I decided to start testing at 5dp5dt (5 days past 5 day transfer). Our other cycles, we waited until the call from the clinic to find out if we were pregnant or not. I learned, via avid Googling, that tests with the pink lines are more sensitive to the HCG in your pee. So I bought a TON. The test I did on 5dp5dt was one with blue dye. There was a very, very, very faint line. So here are my obsessive pregnancy tests and pictures to get good light/accurate photo of what I saw in real life….

So test day–June 12th–finally came! HCG was 233.3 on this day, which was 10dp5dt. POSITIVE! We wanted it to double by the next test day, which was June 14th (12dp5dt). It increased enough but not double (66.1%) to 387. So we had to go for a third HCG test on 14dp5dt which was June 16th. We needed to see at least a 60% increase from the 6/14 numbers. HCG was 707.6 which was an 87% increase! So, we are officially pregnant!

As of today, I am 9 weeks 3 days pregnant with the estimated due date of February 18th! I will have a planned c-section with this one, so I’m telling people I’m due late January/early February because that’s when it’ll end up being. We got to hear baby’s heartbeat and see baby on July 3rd at 7 weeks 1 day. Heartrate was 145.

Sterling is obsessed with Bluey (I mean, who isn’t?!), so we are calling baby #2 “baby Bingo”. We haven’t revealed the gender, but Bingo works either way. Speaking of, we did the SneakPeek blood test at 6 weeks (6/25) and got the results on 6/30. We got to see Baby Bingo again on July 14th at 8 weeks 5 days. Baby’s heartrate was 180.

At this appointment, we officially graduated from the fertility clinic! This means that we are just being seen by my OB. My first appointment with her is scheduled for August 8th, which will be 12 weeks 2 days. I will be seeing the high risk OB as well, but from last time, I know this won’t start until 18 weeks. Since we won’t see Baby Bingo from 8 weeks 5 days until 18 weeks, we are going to do an ultrasound at 13 weeks. We decided to invite some family to this for the “gender reveal”. We are going to post a video of Sterling revealing the gender on social media once our family knows. This is scheduled for August 13th.

Now that you’re updated…this time around has been pretty miserable. I’m exhausted always. I’m pretty much constantly nauseated. I’m thirsty…I drink water…I get nauseous…I don’t drink water…I’m thirsty… lol! I’ve constantly had a stuffy nose and BAD night sweats. I’ve been craving Mexican food…specifically beef tacos. I’ve had a LOT of twitching in my abdomen, so much so that it almost seems to be Baby Bingo movements AND Austin can feel them. I know it’s too early to feel anything, so I’m assuming its my muscles or uterus or something. With Sterling, my nausea subsided around 7 weeks or so. I’m excited for the 2nd trimester so I can like food/life again. lol! I’ve also been nesting. Mostly in my brain and WANTING to do stuff, but not feeling well enough to.

We haven’t done belly pictures yet. We keep meaning to. I’m honestly not excited. After Sterling, I dropped my baby weight in like a week or 2. Over the next year though, I have gained weight (thanks breastfeeding cravings!!). So I have been weighing at the same weight as the day before Sterling was born. My body hasn’t recovered either, so my skin is loose and my muscles are gone. So even before gaining the weight, I still looked pregnant. I can tell that I am “showing” but I still look 7 months pregnant above where my “showing” growing uterus is located. All that to say, it’s hard to be motivated to do belly pictures when 1) I hate my body anyway, 2) you won’t be able to tell I’m pregnant/not fat until 6/7 months, and 3) did I mention I hate my body?! I know I will regret it and will be happy I did it. But still. We will be doing our last PIO shot and estrogen pills on Saturday. Another milestone I’m happy to pass!

I started back to work yesterday, which is the hottest week of the summer. No surprise there. Such is my life! So I must truck through the first trimester woes for a few more weeks while working. I also have a new work schedule, which I learned about yesterday…7:10-2:40. In order to drop Sterling at the babysitter and get to work on time, I have to leave my house by like 6:20, so that’s fun to adjust to with a toddler and while pregnant! lol!

I will try to be better about updating. I know I say that every time. I don’t know if anyone cares or reads this. But I hope to read this in the future and remember every detail.

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Baby Bingo Gender Reveal

Wednesday Rambling

It’s been a week and I still haven’t heard from our doctor. I called yesterday. Finally got a call back…I have to go in to check my HCG to make sure I’m not pregnant once I started my period. So TMI, but I started on Monday and have been gushing blood with clumps too. It’s a little cruel to make me come in for blood work to make sure my HCG is negative 🤣 I understand, but it’s just….

So here I am. Waiting for blood work. To ensure I’m not pregnant. While I’m gushing blood and cramping like crazy. A week after losing our embaby and still not knowing next steps.

Absolute torture.

Not to get too into it, but when it rains, it pours. Coming down off of the estrogen and progesterone after both failed FETs, I’ve had situations happen in other aspects of my life. So mourning our embabies, dealing with infertility, and crushed dreams isn’t enough to deal with…Ryan’s gotta have chaos in every aspect of her life!

So here I am…waiting. Waiting to be called into the exam room for my appointment. Waiting for next steps. Waiting for answers. Waiting for my body to cooperate. Waiting for life to stop knocking me down. Waiting for our future. Waiting for my turn. Always waiting.

As a reminder and maybe some Wednesday wisdom…be nice. You don’t know what someone is dealing with silently or in another setting. If you have a good experience with someone, tell their boss or fill out that survey. Don’t just do it when things are bad. It takes 5 positive statements to override 1 negative statement. Be kind. Always assume positive intent. And finally………infertility sucks! 🙃

Reader Discretion is Advised

*this post contains language that might not be suitable for some readers*
aka…..I’m pissed!

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m sad. I feel guilty. I’m devastated. I feel hopeless. I feel defeated. I feel ungrateful and selfish. I’m crushed.

Let me start with the positive so I don’t feel guilty for going on an angry rant. We have a beautiful, fun, joyful 16 month old (in 4 days…)–Sterling. She is such a blessing and our miracle IVF baby. Going through these failed transfers have made me realize just how lucky we were with her and how much of a miracle she truly is. She is such a goofball! I really enjoy *almost* every moment with her. She’s fiercely independent and stubborn, so there are times that I want to scream. But she is so funny. She loves to fake laugh and will go back and forth with you forever. She has learned about hugs and squeezing while hugging, which is so sweet. It is such a joy and so much fun to watch her learn and discover things.

My husband is as close to perfect as a human being could be. He’s right alongside me during all of this mess. He never wavers. He’s a constant anchor when things get crazy. He’s always concerned about what I need and taking care of me. Yesterday, he brought home ice cream and flowers and kept asking me what I needed. He, too, is grieving. But you would never know it. He keeps me sane. I don’t think I could go through this with any other man and still be able to function.

Now…………….
There are so many things I want to say and am feeling right now. I’m coming off of lots of hormones cold turkey. Last failed FET, I didn’t want to process by blogging during that time. I didn’t have time either. That day, I got my evaluation from my boss and was VERY upset. So that was a bit of a distraction. This time, I know what that withdrawal, if you will, feels like, so I am more prepared. Prepare yourself for rambling…..

All I can say to my amazing husband and my parents is “I’m sorry”. It’s so hard to not feel personally responsible for not being pregnant, especially with IVF. We have eliminated the whole chance encounter of a good egg and sperm meeting. We’ve eliminated the first 5 days of viability. All we need is the embryo to snuggle in to the lining. Yes, I know the chances, even with a perfect embryo and perfect uterine lining is 50%. But STILL! It’s my body that is failing. It’s my body that can’t work right. I know I’m obese and need to lose like 100 pounds. That is nearly impossible for me. It took me 6 months to lose 30 pounds in my 20s. That 6 months was a very restricted diet and tons of gym time. Normal people would have lost that weight in half the time. I don’t have the willpower to do that again. Much less the energy. I’m still breastfeeding, so I have to make sure I don’t deplete too much. And I’m hungry. ALL. THE. TIME. Yes, I know, I’m bitching. I know I control all of this. But it just isn’t fair.

Speaking of not being fair….
I just don’t understand. My whole life has been a struggle. I feel like I can’t catch a fucking break. My only exceptions are my husband and our baby. I had melanoma at 31. I have unexplained infertility. It took 5 years of infertility treatment to have our baby. I’ve had horrible experiences professionally. And on and on and on. I’m overweight. Significantly. I have high blood pressure. I eat like shit. I have high cholesterol. I have all these medical issues. Yet, there are people MUCH larger than me out there that get pregnant without medical help. That are perfectly healthy–no blood pressure issues, etc. They have horrible habits too, but there’s no complications. I just don’t understand. Even when I was skinny, I had issues. I was doing fertility treatment at my healthiest and couldn’t get pregnant. I’ve had bad sun/tanning habits. I knew the risks, but thought it could never happen to me. Yet here we are. I don’t fucking understand. Not to mention people who get pregnant without knowing the science and statistics of the specific parts of getting and staying pregnant. Oh and don’t have to pay a shit ton of money. Oh and don’t have to rely on science. It sucks. My hubs and I have a great marriage. We are pretty bomb ass parents. We WANT tons of kids. We can financially support more kids. We are good people. We have steady jobs and a great home. Yet we are going into debt to TRY to get pregnant. We have to make decisions about more kids based on if we can afford another cycle. Yet people with no money get pregnant by looking at a man. People are addicts and have no health issues for YEARS. It is just unfair.

Money…let’s talk about that!! We have good jobs. We make decent money. We aren’t loaded. And we can afford the day to day. The last 3 years, we have owed on our taxes. Even 2021 when we went through IVF and had a baby. We got a refund, but they took away the COVID child tax credit, and most of it went to what we owed for 2020. We owe this year. WHAT the FUCK?! It’s so frustrating. It’s not like we aren’t paying a shit ton in taxes every month either.
then infertility…..so far, over the last 5 years, we have spent probably $40k on building our family. It took us 3 years to get Sterling. We had to wait until a year after she was born to start trying again. We are almost 5 months into trying for #2. This year, we planned for our HSA and FSA to go to IVF. We had plenty to cover one FET. When we had to do our second, most was covered with what was left. We still had to pay about $1100 out of pocket. Now, we come to FET #3. With no HSA/FSA. No savings. No extra money. No tax refund. Oh, and we still have a loan from our first IVF cycle that we are paying on. Luckily, the FET is under $4000, but that’s still $4000 that we don’t have. And add in the $1100 we didn’t have for #2. So here I am, stressing about money. I still have to pay the clinic for what insurance didn’t cover on my visits before FET #1. Oh, and in June, we get charged the yearly fee for keeping our frozen embryos, which is $400. Did I mention we owe taxes?! So it just keeps piling on. We should NOT be limited to building our family because of money. Each treatment has a 50% chance of pregnancy and then each pregnancy is a 50% chance of a live birth! $4000 to take those chances. WHY?!?!?!?!?!

Back in 2018, we made a 5 year plan. We wrote everything we wanted to do, accomplish, experience, etc on sticky notes. I had a page for each year 2019-2023 and 1 for beyond that. I can’t remember what was on each year, but I know that we wanted a baby in 2019. Then we wanted baby #2 and to adopt, but I can’t remember which order. We have the agency we want to use for the international adoption. I have the paperwork printed and the documents needed that won’t change (birth certificates, marriage license, etc) copied and in a file. We are 5 years in and have 1 baby. While I am grateful, that is absolutely crushing. At this point, I don’t know if we will ever be able to afford adoption. We want as many kids as we can afford. When we finally got pregnant with Sterling and had 5 frozen embryos, we were so hopeful. Our dreams of building our family seemed sunshiney and exciting. Now, 2 years later, we have 2 embryos left. The lowest quality ones. One of the embryos, our doctor said is not good quality either. So, of course, I’m thinking about all of this. What happens if we have to transfer the last 2 and we still aren’t pregnant? I guess I will have to go through the full IVF cycle again. Can we afford it? Do I want to do it at my age? Will it even be worth it, given my history? Should I pause trying and lose weight? If I stop breastfeeding, my regular doctor would put me on a med to help me lose weight. Do I want to give up breastfeeding for that? Do I want to stop nursing when Sterling isn’t ready? Do I want to sacrifice breastfeeding to lose weight? Do I want to delay baby #2 even longer? Will losing weight even matter? Every month we delay is a wider age gap for Sterling and her sibling…and delays baby #3. Will we even be able to have a 3rd? I really wanted to be done having kids before 40. But the longer we wait, the closer that gets. Being pregnant and waiting a year before trying again means it’ll be 2 years between kids, at least. At this point, if we can do FET #3 soon, I will be 36 for kid #2 and if we are able to get pregnant with #3 soonish after, I’ll be 38 with kid #3. That’s best case scenario.

So yea…..lots on my mind. All of it unfair. Infertility sucks. It’s robbed us of so much. Mostly time. While having kids older is fine, that’s less time we will get with our kids overall. I’ll be 52 when Sterling graduates high school. Austin will be 55. She’s our oldest (*hopefully). We’ve been robbed of so much time. So much joy. It’s so unfair. I’m just so over being defeated at every turn. I see people that have not struggled for anything in their lives–even cancer treatment was perfect and worked quickly. Why do they get such cushy lives? (and this person I’m thinking of is an ASS!) I know I don’t see everything. But still. Every single thing has been a struggle for me. When will it stop? When will it be my turn for everything to go my way? When will the world/universe stop fucking me over at every chance? Did I mention my cancer–melanoma–is the sneakiest bitch of all cancers?! It comes back with a vengeance. So that is constantly looming over my shoulder.

I am exhausted by life. I love my life. I have a career that I love, an amazing husband, and a beautiful toddler. My family is amazing. I have so many people in my corner. I know it isn’t all bad. But it’s exhausting. It’s overwhelming. It’s debilitating at times. There are times that I just want the pain to go away. Infertility has sucked the life out of me, and I honestly don’t know how much longer I can take it.

I know that eventually, storms run out of juice. I know there will be better days. I know it isn’t all bad. But today, I am accepting how I’m feeling without my own judgement. I’m defeated. I’m crushed. I’m hopeless. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to sleep until the pain goes away. I want to eat my feelings. I want to never eat again. I am emotionally, mentally, and physically on empty. I just need the world to pause for one day. I need a g**damn break.

Update…

I’ve been really bad at blogging for our Frozen Embryo Transfers. Whoops. This time of year is very busy at work. Between that, a toddler, and IVF, my brain and my body are spent.

So here’s the update…FET #1 failed. We were crushed.

FET #2 transfer was on April 6th. So we started meds March 17th and had the baseline appointment on March 14th. By the time we had the transfer, the clinic had lifted the last of the COVID policies and we were able to take Sterling with us. That was such a surreal experience.

Test day for FET #2 was Monday, April 17th. We got the call that it was positive, but my numbers were low. Anything over 25 is positive, but they like to see it at 50+. My HCG was 32.6 but my estrogen and progesterone levels were good. The HCG for a pregnancy doubles every 2 days. So I had to go in yesterday for another blood draw and test and hopefully see the HCG double. I got the call while at work, before a meeting…my HCG had declined to 11.6. So FET #2 failed. Our doctor is out of town this week, so she will be calling sometime next week to discuss next steps. I had to stop all IVF meds once I got the call.

So that’s the update. As of now, we don’t know what our next steps will be. Our funds are depleted with the two FETs. Most likely, it will come down to money. Which is so utterly cruel.

I will be posting again with processing through everything, but I wanted to give an update.

Transfer Eve

The Deets…

The day we have been waiting and preparing for is finally upon us. Tomorrow is transfer day for our first frozen embryo transfer (FET)! I continue taking the estrogen and PIO shots like I have been. I have a progesterone capsule that I will insert 2 hours before the transfer. We will transfer the embaby & get to see his/her first picture 🤗 Then the torturous wait. The only positive it’s that it’s not two weeks like usual. We will go in there 20th for a blood draw pregnancy test & will find out sometime later that day. The 20th will be 11dp5dt (11 days past 5 day transfer), since our embabies were frozen s as 5 day embryos. The clinic’s standard practice is assisted hatching for FETs. This is where they help “break the shell”, if you will, of the embryo to help it hatch. Sometimes the shell can thaw and still be harder than normal, which is why it’s standard practice. We didn’t do that for our fresh transfer.

My Rambles & Processing…

This whole cycle feels unreal. It’s so different from a fresh cycle. But it is kinda nice to not have to do the Stims & egg retrieval again! The cost is insane too. With the clinic’s package and needs, it’s just over $3600. We planned, so our HSA and Flex will cover it. They will be wiped after, but still! My new insurance, from Austin’s work, didn’t pay much for my ART screen, which is almost $600 out of pocket I think. The cost doesn’t stress me at all. Until I think about what if it fails, because the next transfer will be out of pocket.

I feel really positive about our transfer though. The above is the only time I’ve really been like “wait, what if it fails?!” That and it’s recommended to plan for both results on test day, so as I’m planning, I’m like “oh yea!” I almost feel anxious about how positive I’m feeling just in case it fails because I won’t be prepared mentally for it. Such a weird mental place to be in. I basically talk about it as if it’s already successful and distract myself when the chance of failure creeps in. Soo strange!

Starting estrogen was the first time I’ve been on hormones since I was 10 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. Before that, I had been on a variation of meds for over 3 years. Soo I think I’m more sensitive to the side effects this go round. I can feel myself being more emotional—having a shorter fuse, crying at the drop off a hat, lack of emotional regulation, etc. This is good! Because I can usually catch it and keep myself out of trouble. Lol! We started the PIO shots on Saturday. The day after each shot, so far, I have been sore. I don’t remember feeling it this much on the following day after each shot last time. But I was also recovering from the egg retrieval, so who knows! I am definitely reminded of each shot the following day. I’ve noticed that since starting the meds, I’m exhausted. More than before, which is saying a lot 🤣 I’ve also noticed that when I’m hungry, it is INTENSE hunger. Like I go from feeling full, fat, and happy to being so hungry that I’m nauseous in a snap. It’s so weird. I haven’t been able to differentiate between before meds and on meds regarding how often I’m hungry though. My milk supply has been wonderful! I’ve been sucking at pumping often, but my total ounces each day has increased even with only pumping 2-3 times some days. I am giving all the credit to Liquid Gold Goods. Hands down. Had it not been for their treats, I can’t speak for my supply, but it has given me the peace of mind during this process regarding my milk production.

Transfer day looks a lot different this time. Last time I was recovering from the retrieval, so I hadn’t been to work since then. I had been resting without a clingy toddler with bedtime separation anxiety issues. 🤣 This time, I’m working until the transfer. I’ve been working all week. My job is hella stressful every day. Throughout my work week, I experience many strong emotions, and this week has not been any different. I could take off for several days, but I’m trying to save up my days for maternity leave. So the whole getting plenty of sleep and not stressing about anything during and after transfer is not ideal. But we forge ahead!

Baby A #2, we will meet you tomorrow ❤️

FET Update—Baseline & Day 13

The whole FET process is so strange. I’m not sure if its because we are doing this in the longest month of the year (January) or what. Ha! We are on Day 13 of meds! So I have been taking Estrace (estrogen) 3 times a day for 13 days now.

Baseline Appointment

I was worried about this appointment because they wanted to check my A1C. Since I had gestational diabetes, if my A1C was not where they wanted, they could have postponed our transfer. So, of course, I was freaking out. This appointment was on January 17th. My uterine lining was nice and thin. My estrogen was low. The day I started meds (Jan 19th), they called and my A1C was in the normal range (5.6). Which was good, since I had already started taking my meds. Lol! After my baseline, I picked up the meds from OU Childrens. It’s such a different experience from our fresh cycle.

Side Effects…

Of course, I have no idea what things are happening because of meds, but I have had some side effects. My emotions, of course, are all over the place. I have to remind myself that I’m taking hormones. Lol! I’ve felt some throbbing, cramping, etc in my uterus area. I’ve noticed some discharge as well. Nothing too crazy though.

The side effect I was most concerned with was my milk supply. Baby girl is still reliant on my milk, and I’m happy to oblige. Estrogen is known to decrease milk supply or stop production altogether. Since I have been so concerned about this, I have been chowing down on some lactation treats. Liquid Gold Goods makes some bomb ass treats—cookies, brownies, loaves, etc. I’m obsessed with them but didn’t really need the supply boost. Now, I have a reason to devour these. I haven’t done a deep dive into the data, but my supply has not dipped at all. One of these days I will do some analysis. I have notices that my slacker boob has been within half an ounce of the other one, which was not happening before. Is this because of the treats? I can’t say for sure. Is the estrogen not messing with my supply? I can’t say for sure. Either way, I’m happy to devour cookies & treats to make sure I can still feed my baby. Ha!

Next up…

My next appointment is Thursday, They will do bloodwork to check my estrogen level and ultrasound to check the uterine lining thickness. Hopefully, everything will be within the parameters to stay on schedule. If so, I will start the progesterone shots on Saturday and the transfer will still be next Thursday (Feb 9th).

Ice, Ice, Baby!

The best roads are paved with intentions. Or something like that, right? Ha!

Man, this past year has FLOWN by. I feel like I’m recovering from whiplash. For real. I apologize for slacking with the blogging. At some point, I will give a “newsletter” of our year with our baby girl!

For now, an update on our infertility journey. We had to wait at least one year before trying to get pregnant again. It’s been a year, so here we are. Lol! Our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) is scheduled for February 9th. Last Thursday was our first appointment for the cycle, the ART screen. This is where they do the mock transfer, take pictures of my uterus, and do the saline exam. We announced it on Facebook this day, too. Tomorrow, I go for the Baseline appointment. This is where they will do an ultrasound to check that my ovaries aren’t doing anything and check my uterine lining. They will also do bloodwork to check my estrogen levels and A1C (because of my history and gestational diabetes during the first pregnancy). I’m a little nervous about my A1C because they could postpone the cycle (upon other things), so that’s fun.

The Frozen Embryo Transfer is SO much easier and shorter than our full IVF cycle. It’s wild. I will take a pill 3 times a day for 2 weeks, go in for an ultrasound and bloodwork, and add a progesterone shot daily to the pills. Then we go for test day on February 20th. INSANE.

So we have been gathering our pineapple stuff from our previous cycle and all of our good luck socks, shirts, etc.

Oh! Our “package” for the FET is $3510 and I got a call Friday that our meds will be $112. MUCH better than the full cycle, of course. I’m most looking forward to seeing the picture of our little embaby.

There is a 90% survival rate of thawing embryos. There is a 50% chance of pregnancy, then a 50% chance of a live birth. I’m really excited and feeling very positive, but those numbers are very sobering. I took my last birth control pill today. I will try to update daily this time. Baby A #2 journey has begun…

Yes, We are Still Here…

I have been wanting to and meaning to post since the last post at 15 weeks or whatever. I had a draft saved since that time and had last worked on it on September 22. I just posted it. It’s June 11, 2022. Between starting my new job and pregnancy, I did NOT have the energy mentally or physically to post. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t. I have updates and overall thoughts I want to share. This post will probably be an update and later on my thoughts and processing through the last several months.

So as of today, our sweet baby girl is 24 weeks and 1 day old! She was born on December 24, 2021. Yes, Christmas Eve. Freakin insane! She is sassy and so smart. At 5 months, she was 14 pounds and 25 inches. The last 5 months have been a whirlwind. I’m exhausted. I never have enough sleep. Every moment I am thinking about when I can have my next uninterrupted sleep. I love our girl, I love being a mom, but I am tired. So tired.

The Rest of My Pregnancy

So I last updated at about 23 weeks pregnant I think. This was the end of September. I felt great throughout my pregnancy, other than feeling like my skin couldn’t stretch any more. I ended up dealing with placenta previa from 18 weeks until about 33 weeks. As I got bigger, it was more important to be safe and careful within normal activities. This was difficult with my job of lugging testing kits in and out of my car, and I was really concerned about it. I didn’t deal with it long before I was on leave though. I just didn[t know at the time.

Diabeetus

At the end of October, I found out that I had gestational diabetes. I had to start meeting with a dietitian and a diabetic counselor at the high risk doctor, and continued this until I gave birth. I tested my blood sugar every morning upon waking and then 2 hours after every time I ate. My sugar levels were tracked and monitored by my OB, dietician, and high risk OB constantly. They were to be within a certain number, and I had to adjust my diet in order to get them in the needed range. I started taking Metformin again, and eventually had to start insulin injunctions twice a day. By the end, I was doing 14 units in the morning and 8 in the evening and my numbers were FINALLY where they needed to be when eating within my dietary restrictions. This was at 34 1/2 weeks.

NSTs

At 31 weeks, I started doing non-stress tests (NSTs) twice a week. These monitor my blood pressure, contractions, and baby’s heart rate while I’m laying there. My blood pressure had been under control my entire pregnancy at this point. I started these the week of Thanksgiving. Baby girl was not very cooperative during these. It was quite entertaining. My readings were all wonderful during all of these. At this time, I was also seeing my OB more often—every 2 weeks. My blood pressure was under control at all of my appointments. I had an NST on December 6th, which was great. On the 7th, I had the appointment at the high risk OB and my blood pressure was high. This was our last appointment with that office, so we were just told to monitor. This is also when we were told my placenta was finally out of the way. I was exactly 34 weeks on the 8th. I had my next NST on the 9th and all was great. My coworkers threw me a shower on the 10th, which was super fun. I had my next NST on the 13th, a Monday. I was attending a conference virtually that day and the following day that my work paid for. So during my NST, I was listening. Before my appointment, I didn’t shower and left the house with the thoughts I’d be back in about an hour. I was also going to get lunch after it. During this NST, my blood pressure was really high. My appointment ended up being well over 24 hours. We spent a couple hours trying to get my blood pressure down—relaxing, IV of blood pressure meds, etc. It still was not lowering, so I was admitted to the hospital. The nurse was in constant communication with my OB (who had just had surgery and was still out) and the attending OB. My blood pressure was monitored every 10 minutes I think. I finally got into my own room around 3pm (my appointment was at 11:30a). Before getting to my room, I had labs done (blood and urine). These labs were done several times before I was discharged and my blood pressure was constantly monitored. I was hooked up with the full NST monitoring until I got into my room, and then I had the NSTs done several times while admitted. During all of the times my BP was taken, I realized that even just chit chatting with the nurse raised my BP. It was insane. They were considering several things over my time there including steroid shot, induction, etc. At this point, I was 34 weeks 5 days. They wanted to try to get me to 36 weeks but definitely to 35 weeks before considering delivery because of my complications. I was finally discharged from the hospital around 5pm on the 14th (Tuesday). My time at the hospital was essentially laying there, being constantly monitored, and trying to get my BP down. My labs were all normal throughout this entire ordeal, which was so weird. It was just my BP. That’s very unusual in these situations. So my doc was perplexed to say the least. I started taking an additional BP med during my stay and continued this throughout.

I was supposed to have my next NST on Thursday, but I ended up having it on Wednesday because of my admittance. I was also told I was on bed rest until delivery. This wasn’t just chilling in bed bed rest, I was told to avoid ANYTHING that raised my blood pressure. I mentioned earlier that even chit chatting raised my BP, so that should give you an indication of what I was required to do. My last day of work before Christmas break, and my expected last day, was that Friday (17th). Needless to say, my days of “bedrest” until then were not great. I was trying to work to get things ready for my leave without working too much or getting my blood pressure raised. My blood sugars were FINALLY controlled and then my BP went insane. Such is my life, y’all! I still had to check my sugars and follow my restrictions through all of this. At this point, and honestly the entire time I was dealing with gestational diabetes, eating and my sugars were a huge stressor. Every meal was stressful and frustrating. It got worse as the weeks went on. I was making the necessary changes and it was not helping. So I’m sure that did not aid in getting my BP down. My sugars were better, but I still had to follow those restrictions. So I had my NST on the 15th (Wednesday) and everything was great. I also had labs and a biophysical sonogram, which made sure baby girl was not in distress. I may have had the biophysical while I was at the hospital. I can’t remember. My next NST was on Monday the 20th. At this one, I did labs, the NST, and the biophysical. Everything looked great at this one. The next day, Tuesday the 21st, I had my appointment with my OB. My blood pressure was high again. She took it again, but made me close my eyes, relax, and breathe. It was within the level they wanted, but still elevated. Everything else was great, but she instructed that I continue bedrest and hopefully we could get me to my induction date—December 29th. My next NST was on December 23rd (Thursday) and my blood pressure was high. I stayed for multiple readings and did labs, but it was not going down. Once the nurse called my OB, she told me we would be having a baby and I was not going home.

My OB came over and told us the plan. We would get my BP down and start the induction process once it was (around 8pm was the plan). At this point, Austin had left work early and was in Yukon when I was told I was being admitted. So he came up to the hospital and sat with me. My parents had just booked a hotel and we had all set up everything for the induction that had just been scheduled a couple days before. So I was trying not to freak out and let them know what was going on. When the decision was made that I would be staying, it was about 5pm.

That’s it for this post. I will post again with the rest of this evening and the next few days.

Thanks for reading this book of a post. I apologize for taking SO DAMN LONG! There was so much that happened! It was a freakin whirlwind and clusterfuck!

15 Weeks 1 Day Appointments!

Today, we had our appointment for the “fun” ultrasound and a prenatal OB appointment! But first, our 15 weeks pictures from yesterday!

YAY!
Our day started with our realtor coming by to take the professional pictures of our house for the listing. Hopefully, it will be on the market tomorrow afternoon or Saturday. We already have a showing scheduled for tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

Next was the fun ultrasound at Peek @ Baby in Yukon! We got there early, so we drove around and looked at a house. I almost died. Not really, but I almost fell into this spider. NOPE!

It was finally time for the ultrasound. We got one of those animals with a recording of the heartbeat in it. This was also a gender confirmation, since we got results with a blood test. Since no one else knows the gender, there is much more to share but we will do so after the gender reveal (in 3 weeks). As you know, this week has been difficult. Today made it seem real. This was the first time we’ve seen our baby in 6 weeks, but it’s also the first time it actually LOOKS like a baby. First, we got a profile. Baby A was kicking a lot! Then we got to hear the heartbeat–a strong and healthy one at 155 bpm! She (the ultrasound lady) checked the gender and went to the 4D fancy look. We went to the black and white for a bit and then back to the 4D and back to the black and white. We got to see our baby for a long time, it felt. When we went to the 4D, the baby turned and waved at the probe. It was pretty entertaining. The ultrasound lady did some measurements. The head and head circumference measured perfectly–at 15 weeks 1 day. The femur measured at 16 weeks 4 days!! She told us that Baby A’s limbs are very long and were dancing around the whole time! She told us that Baby A already has a button nose and full lips. Baby A’s mouth was constantly moving too. So, looks like we are having a long limbed talker on our hands! I can’t wait to post the full video of our ultrasound! Here are a few pictures from the ultrasound. I was going to post a short video, but can’t because I refuse to upgrade. So you will have to wait until I’m ready to share the full video and can upload it to YouTube.

We had lunch and then went to the OB appointment. I’m measuring great, my labs looked good, and baby’s heartbeat was 160bpm. That was the highlights, I suppose. We talked about a screening that Austin and I will be deciding on soon. We go to the high risk OB on August 19th, so 3 more weeks.

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