I have been tossing around this post for several months. I don’t like sharing things that are currently a struggle because I don’t want to come off like a victim, bring more negativity, or seem like I’m whining. My purpose for sharing my journey, especially the hard stuff, is to give others hope, educate, and help people that are silently suffering. Buuuuut here we go. Welcome to my novel. Hehe!
Infertility. Those that haven’t had to deal with it, they think they know and understand. Those that have dealt with it know that is just not possible. There’s no nice way to say that, and I’m not sorry. This is my blog, so I am going to be real with whoever decides to read this.
First, a little lesson in reproduction. I have learned WAY MORE about this process than anyone wants to know. Lol! When a woman starts her period, that is cycle day 1 (CD1 for those in the trying to conceive—ttc—community). Cycles are 28 days in length, on average, with ovulation happening sometime between CD10 and 22, usually. Anyone sexually active in high school has a 100% chance of getting pregnant each month. Anyone sexually active, unmarried, and under 25 has a 100% chance of getting pregnant each month. The rest of the world of healthy couples, each month has a 20% chance of getting pregnant. There is about a 24-36 hour period of time where conception can happen every month. Insane, right?! So a couple that is “trying to get pregnant” is not just having sex. They are tracking the woman’s cycle in order to have sex in the right time frame to hopefully have the egg and sperm meet. This usually is done by tracking body temperature every day. There are certain patterns that are common with determining if a woman has ovulated and pregnancy. Medically “trying to get pregnant” involves tracking cycles and having sex during the ovulation window. On average, it takes couples 6 months to get pregnant once they start trying. Infertility is defined as “trying” for 12 months. This is because if there are no issues with either partner and they are tracking cycles and trying, they should be pregnant. At that point, the couple will see a doctor. There are many things that may be the root of infertility, for example woman doesn’t ovulate, low sperm count, low sperm mobility, over or under weight, etc. This is why it is really frustrating to those suffering with infertility when someone tries to instantly give advice, tell about a friend’s struggle and what they did, etc. Every situation is completely different. It’s like cancer—different stages mean different things and different levels of treatment. You wouldn’t tell someone that discloses their cancer diagnosis about your friend that had stage 3 whatever cancer and had chemo and it was so bad; or tell them they should try some essential oil to cure it; or ask the prognosis; or tell them to just live their life. YOU WOULD NOT! So do not do it to those of us suffering with infertility. If someone is disclosing to you their infertility, shut your mouth, listen, be empathetic (silently), thank them for trusting you, ask how you can support them, and clarify their wishes future conversations about the topic (they want you to ask for updates, they will volunteer info, etc).
I guess this is where I start sharing our story. This actually starts as my story, and it begins when I was 18. Quick story…I had some tummy issues my freshman year of college, saw a GI doctor, had a bunch of tests, and everything was normal. Actually, my story starts sometime in high school. I did not have a regular period, so I went on birth control. For reals. My sophomore year of college, I was switching meds, so I was waiting for my period. 9 months later, it did not come (and I was a virgin). So I went to the doctor and had a bunch of tests ran. One was a vaginal ultrasound, which is basically a penis shaped probe with a condom and lube that is wisked around inside you. As a virgin, this was a horrible experience. After these tests, my doctor diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) at 19 (2008). My mom was freaked that I would never be able to have children, but my doctor assured her that when the time came, there were options. Fast forward to 2013…my best friend had her baby, I had been married to a man for 2 years, and we decided we were ready to begin “trying”. This included 2 hour round trip visits to the gynecologist at least once a month with a $75 copay each time, tons of tests, etc. PCOS keeps some women from ovulating. My gyro determined that was the reason we hadn’t been successful. There are 2 meds that force ovulation (Femara & Clomid). You take these a couple days after the start of your period for 5 days, and then there is a 5 day window (ovulation) where you should have sex every day or every other day. It ended up being 2 years of trying with no pregnancies, 6 cycles of each ovulation med. Every month, it was a fight to “try” during the ovulation days. During this time, I think maybe 3 people knew. All of my friends were getting pregnant, and most were accidents. Every negative pregnancy test felt like a piece of my heart was ripped out. Having hindsight, I am so grateful & thankful & blessed that I did not get pregnant during that time. I would NOT want to deal with my ex because of a shared child. That is the only thing that makes those 2 years somewhat bearable. I’ll get into the emotional aspect later. In thinking about this time and when in the future I’d try again, I was hopeful that it was the situation that was the issue and not my body.
Of course when dating Austin, and talks about children were had, I shared my history and the fact that it could be difficult for me. We both want a family, both made from us and adopted. We dated for about a year and were engaged for about a year. Towards the end of our engagement, we decided we were ready to start trying, but wanted to wait until after the wedding. So I stopped taking my birth control the month before our wedding, August 2018. My periods weren’t regular and I was not pregnant, so I went to see my doctor. The same day she removed my mole was the same day we discussed options and the plan. I was to take meds to jump start my period and then begin Clomid (forces ovulation) a few days into that cycle. The day I started my period was the day I got the call that my mole was melanoma. This didn’t hit me until I asked my doctor about starting the Clomid and she told me I needed to wait until the melanoma was taken care of. This is when I broke. We had already been trying & waiting for 8 months, and we had ANOTHER obstacle to starting our family. 2 years of trying previously and these 8 months and an added unknown amount of time just hurt. BTW, FUCK cancer.
Finally, in May, we were able to get back on track. I took Clomid and from cycle day 10 until about 24, I would pee on a stick for ovulation predictor tests. It was supposed to be until I had a positive test, but my levels were very low and never showed a positive. I would take a pregnancy test on cycle day 28 and 35, and if they were negative, I’d have to take meds to jump start my period to begin the new cycle. We did this from the end of May until the middle/end of September. Still nothing. At this point, my doctor referred us to OU Reproductive Medicine (aka fertility clinic; reproductive endocrinology; fertility specialist, etc).
On my birthday last year, we had a consultation appointment with Angie King. She’s a PA, but we call her Dr. Angie. She is INCREDIBLE. We LOVE her. At this appointment, we extensively went over medical history for both of us, and she mapped out our next steps. This was a sperm analysis for Austin, and a bunch of tests for me (blood test, vaginal ultrasound, HSG). The HSG is where they shoot dye into your uterus and take xrays in order to identify any flow issues. After we completed these tests, we had another consult with Dr. Angie to create our treatment plan. There are a bunch of treatment options within the continuum at the fertility clinic. We did not start at square one. We basically started at square 10. Our treatment plan included 4-6 cycles of IUI.
Most people recognize IVF, so IUI is basically the step before IVF. It is intrauterine insemination. In short, the sperm is collected and then medically inserted into the uterus. This process really starts on CD3, which is when I start to take Femora. I go in for an ultrasound somewhere around CD10-12 to look at my follicles. Every month, you have follicles that grow and release an egg. The egg is only “good” for a short time. So when you are having help, you want the sperm to be in the uterus as close to this drop as possible. How they estimate this is by measuring the follicles at the ultrasound appointment. Once they get to a certain size (somewhere around 16mm if I remember correctly), they double in size and will release the egg within the next couple of days. At the ultrasound, they check the follicles, and if there are ones bigger than 16mm, they will tell me when to do the next steps of treatment (come in for the insemination). If there aren’t any that big, I have to go back for another ultrasound in a couple of days. The first few cycles, I had to go in 2 or more times before being able to do the IUI.
Once the decision is made for when the IUI will be, we also are told when to do the trigger shot. This is done around 36 hours before the insemination. This trigger shot is hCg, which causes the body to ovulate and drop the egg. This was a scary thing the first few times. The pharmacy sends us a vial of powder, a vial of saline, 2 large needles, 2 small needles, 2 syringes, and 4 alcohol wipes. The clinic gives us a paper with the instructions and videos to watch, but it is still terrifying! Typically these have been at 11pm. I’ll probably do a separate post about each experience, because there have been some funny/interesting ones. Then we have our IUI appointment the day after next. Austin’s part is between 7:30 and 8, so we usually try to get there around 7:15. This means we have to leave Weatherford around 6am. Austin provides his sample, and then we wait for my appointment (most of which are 10:30). While we wait, the lab takes the sample and preps it for insemination by cleaning the sperm to remove anything that could slow them down or get in the way. They also do a count of the remaining healthy sperm. When it is finally time for my turn, I go in with a full bladder. A nurse does the abdominal ultrasound while another person puts in the clamp and the catheter into my uterus. They bring a tube, which holds the sperm, and verify that the name on it is Austin’s. Then they wiggle the catheter to make sure I can see when they shoot the sperm in there. Just like that, it’s done. I lay there for 5 minutes and then leave. They tell me what day to take a pregnancy test, and the slow, dreaded two week wait begins. For the last 3 cycles, they had me take progesterone vaginal suppositories twice a day. Apparently the side effects are the same as early pregnancy symptoms. How fun…
At this point, we have done 6 IUIs. We had a consultation before our previous IUI since our original treatment plan was 4-6 cycles. Because my body is finally responding the last few cycles, we are going to do 2-3 more cycles of IUI at the most. After that, if still no baby, our next step is IVF if we choose. We haven’t yet decided or discussed what next, and we are hoping we don’t have to. I go in tomorrow for the ultrasound for what will be our 7th IUI (and hopefully final). I plan to post more and go into more detail, especially the emotional aspect. This is already a novel, and this post has been in process for weeks.
Remember, don’t ask about babies, don’t try to make people feel better when they tell you they are infertile, don’t suggest adoption, and don’t share advice. Just shut your mouth, listen, and know you will never understand fully. 💕
Ryan’s Ramblings 